I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
