I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
