Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
