Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
