oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How's work?
Spinning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
