Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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