i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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