You're so nebulous sometimes
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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