.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
