i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
