drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
