I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
