just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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