sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
