Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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