If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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