That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
