You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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