I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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