There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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