Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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