Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
