my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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