I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
