Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
