He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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