Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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