my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
