i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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