the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
