Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
