Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
