he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
