We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
