I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
