I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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