you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
