Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
