This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
