Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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