Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
