just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
