What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's official drugs can't kill me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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