UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
