His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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