I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
