One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
