no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize