he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
