I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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