This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
