This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
