I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Please don't give away my fajitas
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
