why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
