it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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