i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
