I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
