I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
