They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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