Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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