I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
