i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
