Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize