I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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