The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
