We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just pee around me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
