if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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