after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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