i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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