I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
