Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
