I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
