So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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