No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
