This girl is more easily done than said...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize